A Bad Reaction To A Broken Promise

My 20th  pastoral anniversary at the New Hope Baptist Church in Covington, GA is coming up in about a month or so. Consequently, the wife and family are all excited and compelled me to go shopping for a some new clothes for the grand occasion. It was while my wife and I were doing some shopping that we encountered a situation that got me to thinking about how insensitive we have become as a society.

A customer came in, who had apparently made a purchase the day before. Apparently, the store didn’t have everything he wanted, because there was an item that was to be delivered the next day between 4 and 6 pm. Well, when the customer came in, apparently there had been some miscommunication with the store clerk the day before, because he was expecting to pick up his completed order. When he asked for his merchandise, the clerk told him that he had informed him the day before that the rest of his order would not be in until sometime between 4 and 6. At this point, the customer said that the clerk had not informed him of that time period. (At the time of this discussion, it was about 3:00 pm). At which point the clerk, of course, said that he had indeed told him. Well, about this time, the customer was getting a little upset because apparently, he had a flight to catch for a wedding out of town the next day and needed the items he purchased before he left for his flight.

Now, you may be asking of me at this point: “How do you know all of these details?” I know them because the customer was upset and loud and had informed the clerk (and everybody else in the store) that if he did not have his order by the time he had to leave for his flight; there would be trouble! Now, I don’t know how the clerk took it, but from the tone of voice in which the customer said it;  I took it as a personal threat! Granted, the customer had paid his money! Granted, the clerk (may or may not have) promised the merchandise would be in the store at a certain time. But, since when is it acceptable to verbally abuse someone in the manner in which the customer did? The clerk even went so far as to get the customer’s address with a promise to deliver the clothes personally to the customer’s home when they arrived at the store!

Now, I can understand the customer’s frustration, but I think his reaction was unwarranted! First of all, he brought this pressure upon himself because he should not have waited so close to the date of his departure before he made his purchase-order! Secondly, If the clerk had indeed told him the clothes would be back between 4 and 6, then why was he raising such a fuss at 3:00 pm? And even if the clerk did give him a specific time, the merchandise was being delivered by a courier, who had to navigate through Atlanta traffic! Only God would know exactly when the merchandise would actually make it to the store!

My point is this: Just because someone has paid for a service, that doesn’t give them the right to use verbal abuse because of a perceived failure of promise! This scenario is just a typical example of where we are as a society! People are so stressed-out that any little inconvenience sets them off! But there was one good thing that came out of this situation! My mother used to say; “You can draw more flies with honey than with vinegar!” My wife must have also known that saying because she went out of her way to be extra nice to the clerk! As a result, when we finished with our selection and the clerk was ringing us up; he gave us a thirty percent discount for our patience and understanding! As we were leaving the store, we thanked the clerk for the discount and in my mind, I thanked the irate customer as well! However, I really hope the clerk survives the situation in one piece because I need to pick up the rest of my order next week!

Forgiveness is for YOU!

forgiveness handcuffsI don’t know why or how we came to think this way, but there are many people who just can’t seem to let go of an unforgiving spirit! For some strange, sick and demented reason, they think that not forgiving another person actually has a detrimental effect on that person. They think that, by not forgiving that person, they exercise some sort of power or control over them. But the truth of the matter is this: Forgiveness is not really for the other person; forgiveness is for you! Let me show you what I’m talking about:

There are some people who use unforgiveness as a weapon. They actually think that by not forgiving the other person, they are actually hurting the other person! (If the other person is indeed hurt, it really not because of the un-forgiver’s unforgiveness, but rather because of how the unforgiven processes the situation in their mind. The only real power the un-forgiver has over the unforgiven is the power the unforgiven gives the un-forgiver!) Some people use unforgiveness as a means to attempt to keep the other person locked in a certain position or mental location. But think about this for a minute: The only way for a guard to guard a prisoner is for the guard to be constantly vigilant and diligent in watching the prisoner. Now in order to do this, the guard has to be, to a certain extent, locked up himself! Think about it for a moment! The prisoner can’t come and go as he pleases, but neither can the guard! Now this comparison does not stand on all fours, simply because when we are unforgiving toward another person, we only “think” we have them locked up; they are actually really free! We are the only ones in prison! They are free because the only place they are really imprisoned is within our minds! Did you know that there are some people who have not forgiven another person, but that other person is not even bothered by that fact! In some cases, they don’t even know about it! This is a twisted scene: You may be angry with your spouse or whoever, because of something they may have done. They have asked for your forgiveness but you refuse to forgive them! But your anger and your unforgiveness really hurts you more than it hurts them! Un-forgiveness and holding a grudge is like holding hot coals! You may be holding them against someone else, but the truth is; you are the only one getting burnt!

So it really doesn’t make sense to hold grudges and to have an unforgiving spirit! It’s really a form of suicide! Holding grudges and having an unforgiving spirit causes mental stress in your mind, spiritual stress in your soul and physical stress in your body! The medical field has confirmed it with numerous studies! Doctors say that many ulcers come, not from what we are eating, but rather from what is eating us! Aside from the religious and spiritual fact that we are commanded to forgive in order to be forgiven, doctors now confirm that holding grudges and being unforgiving for a prolonged period of time often lead to such maladies as high blood pressure, heart attacks, strokes, and even cancer!

Therefore, you ought to forgive because forgiveness is really not for the other person; forgiveness is for you! The next time you are in a situation where you are tempted to hold a grudge and be unforgiving, ask yourself the question: Is it really worth it? Is not forgiving this person worth a heart attack or a stroke? It is really worth injuring my relationship and fellowship with the God who has forgiven me? I don’t care what they did; let it go! When you let it go, it doesn’t mean you are weak, it just means you are wise! It means you have come to understand that at the root of the matter having an unforgiving spirit is not really worth it because forgiveness is really not for the other person; forgiveness is for you!